Have you ever received the advice to ask others how they perceive you so that you can make the comparison of what others think compared to how you perceive yourself? Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever received that advice except like as a homework assignment for a Psychology or a Business class, but I’ve seen lots of people give it and, to be honest, it makes me cringe. Why? Well, let’s clear that up before you start attacking my character. It’s not that I think it’s bad advice; it’s not. It could be great advice, but there are a lot of issues I think people fail to consider when they give this advice. The first thing most people fail to fully consider is who they are giving the advice to.
Maybe you’re open to the idea that others might see things in you that you don’t realize about yourself, but do you actually believe that someone else can know you better than you know yourself? I don’t believe that’s possible. Are there tons of people walking around greatly lacking in self-awareness? Certainly! Could you be one of them? I don’t know. What I do know is that even if you are not sure why you feel and behave as you do in whatever circumstances, you know like I can’t what your life experience has been. If I am to give you any advice on your life, it is to come from my perspective based on my experiences or, if I’m deeply intuitive, perhaps, my perspective of what I sense about your feelings and behaviors or even how I perceive them to be similar to my own. What I’m getting at is, as much as I might try, it could be close to impossible for me to remove me from my advice to you. So, even if you trust my motives can you completely trust my judgement? I’m not saying the answer to that question is an inexplicable no. From people who you know you can trust, the answer should probably be yes, but you have to put the you that your advisors don’t see or know about back into the application of the advice. Better yet, make sure you consider that you your advisors don’t see or know about before you determine if the advice is right for you.
Many people will frown on what I’m telling you. They will lock in on certain pieces and criticize while misconstruing and will you take a stand to be your own judge of what’s best for you, people will call you things like arrogant and close-minded because they don’t understand how they’re actions and words are making my point because here’s the thing: some people will read this and immediately agree with me, but there are two kinds of people who will. The first person type is possibly arrogant and close-minded. They might also just be young and impetuous. They are ready to accept this message as approval to reject the advice of others that is intended to do them well so that they feel justified in rejecting wise counsel because in this lifetime nobody has the right to tell anybody anything. Just do you, boo. Right? That’s not who this message is for.
This message is for the second person type. This person feels so completely misunderstood because what looks like an unwillingness to accept advise is actually the pain of knowing you agree whole-heartedly, are already living according to it, but you can’t say it without coming across like you think you’re perfect. This person feels alienated because you get ostracized for defending yourself from people who keep trying to tell you who you are is someone different than who you believe you. They call you defensive in a manner than is intended to be constructively critical, but you are not offended. You are defensive because you intend to defend your right to be the judge of who you are, submitting only to God if you believe He determines who you are, but never to anyone else because they don’t understand how many times in life you were told by the people who you looked to for encouragement and nurturing who you weren’t and would never be. You didn’t climb from the bottom people pressed you down in from your childhood to have new people come into your life and start telling you who you are and you cannot allow it. Everyone knows a level of hardship, but hardship is not equal and only some people know that. This message is for the person who people try to tell consider how other people perceive them and, with good intention, suggest that you should change some things about your personality but they don’t know you continually give from a half full cup. When your cup empties, you refill it by yourself. By the time that cup is half full again, here come the needy, again. Your cup never runs over because you give without requiring anything in return. And after you’ve given everything else, someone asks you to give up something that makes you uniquely you–your personality.
Know who to take advice from and know what advice to take. Know what or who you are willing to you, but by all means, please hold on to yourself–the self you can live with, own, be proud of and please, please, love.